Use real words. Give real answers. Children handle the truth better than the workarounds.

Children in this range understand death as a temporary separation, like nap time or someone going on a trip. They do not yet understand that death is permanent, universal (everyone and everything will eventually die), or that it cannot be undone. They will ask the same questions repeatedly — not because they forgot the answer, but because they are working out what it means.

What to say: “Grandpa died. That means his body stopped working. He can't breathe or eat or talk or move anymore. He can't come back. We won't see him again, and that makes us very sad.”

Common questions and answers:

• “When is Grandpa coming back?” — “He can't come back. When someone dies, they don't come back. I know that's really hard.”
• “Will I die?” — “Yes, but not for a very long time. Most people live until they are very, very old. You will probably live longer than I will.”
• “Will you die?” — “Someday, but not for a very long time. I'm planning to be around for a long, long time.”
• “Why did Grandpa die?” — specific cause is fine if it doesn't generalize to ordinary childhood illnesses. “His body was very old and his heart stopped working” is better than “he got sick.”

What to expect: some regression (bedwetting, baby talk, clinginess), sleep disturbances, repeated questions, periods of seeming totally unaffected followed by sudden tears. All normal in the first 6 weeks.

Children in this range begin to understand that death is permanent and that it happens to everyone. They often become intensely curious about the biology and logistics: what happens to the body, what cremation is, what a funeral is, what happens if you're buried, whether you can feel anything after you die. These questions can sound morbid; they are normal.

Answer them. Honestly. Briefly. With a willingness to say “I don't know” when you genuinely don't (about, say, what happens after death — your honest answer is fine, even if it's “some people believe ___ and some people believe ___, and I believe ___, and we don't know for sure”).

Common questions and answers:

• “What happens to the body?” — honest, specific: “Grandpa's body is at the funeral home. They take care of bodies after someone dies. Then the body will be cremated/ buried, which means ___.”
• “What is cremation?” — “Cremation uses very high heat to turn the body into ashes. The ashes are put in a special container. Many families keep them or scatter them in a place that mattered to the person.”
• “Will Grandpa feel cold/lonely/scared?” — “No. When someone dies, their body doesn't feel anything anymore. They can't feel cold or lonely or scared.”
• “Did Grandpa know he was going to die?” — honest answer for the situation. If he was ill and aware, yes; if it was sudden, no.
• “Could the doctors have saved him?” — for most natural deaths in old age, no — “sometimes bodies are just done, and there's nothing the doctors can do.” For treatable conditions that weren't caught, age-appropriate honesty is usually right.

What to expect: more verbal sadness, anger (sometimes at the dead person for leaving), schoolwork slip-ups, sleep changes, sometimes nightmares about death. Often a period of seeming totally fine. The grief comes in waves; week 8 may look harder than week 2.

Children in this range understand death the same way adults do — permanence, universality, the cause-effect chain. Their grief looks more like adult grief, but with the added complications of identity formation and the social pressure of being a teenager. They are often less willing to talk about it directly than younger children, particularly with parents.

Make space. Don't force it. Include them in decisions: do they want to see the body, do they want to speak at the service, do they want to choose music or pictures. Offering choices respects them. Insisting they participate often backfires.

Watch for what doesn't come out in conversation:

• Withdrawal. Some withdrawal is normal in adolescence and in grief; both together can compound. A teen who used to do activities and now does none, for more than 6 weeks, warrants a check-in.
• Anger outbursts. Common, particularly in boys, and can be misread as “he's not even grieving.” The anger is often the grief.
• Risk-taking. Sudden interest in drinking, drugs, reckless driving, dangerous behavior. Real and serious. Statistically the risk increases after a parent's death in particular.
• Identification with the dead person. Wearing their clothes, listening to their music, imitating their habits. Common and often comforting. Concerning only if it's accompanied by expressed wishes to die or join them.

Some teens grieve more openly with someone other than a parent — an aunt, a coach, a school counselor, a religious leader, a therapist. Don't take it personally. Make sure they have someone, even if it isn't you.

Most grief therapists and pediatric counselors recommend that children attend the funeral if they want to. Excluding them — usually out of a wish to protect them — tends to leave a gap they fill with imagination, which is often worse than reality.

Three rules make this work:

1. Prepare them in advance. Tell them what will happen, what they will see, who will be there, how long it will last, whether the casket will be open or closed. Specific details reduce anxiety: “The room will be full of people. We'll walk in together. The casket will be at the front. It will be open and you will be able to see Grandpa. He will look very still. We will sit for about an hour. People will cry.”
2. Give them a choice. “You can come with us. You can wait at home with Aunt Sarah. You can come and decide to leave partway through. Whatever you choose is OK.” Respect what they choose.
3. Have a designated adult. Someone who is not running the service whose only job is the child — sit next to them, answer questions, take them out if they need to leave. Often a less-close relative or family friend so the grieving immediate family can grieve.

Picture books that grief specialists routinely recommend, by age:

• Ages 3–7: “The Invisible String” by Patrice Karst, “The Goodbye Book” by Todd Parr, “Lifetimes” by Bryan Mellonie.
• Ages 6–10: “The Memory Box” by Joanna Rowland, “A Place in My Heart” by Annette Aubrey.
• Ages 10–14: “Tear Soup” by Pat Schwiebert, “A Kids Book About Death” by Taryn Schuelke.

The Sesame Workshop has free, high-quality content for younger children at sesameworkshop.org/topics/grief including videos, printable storybooks, and a free grief tool kit.