The work to do now so your family doesn’t have to do it later.

Advance directive (living will). A legal document stating what kind of medical care you want if you can’t communicate — specifically around end-of-life: ventilator, feeding tube, CPR, comfort-only care. Free from your state’s attorney-general office or AARP. Most states accept the same form across hospitals.

Healthcare proxy (medical POA). The person you name to make medical decisions when you can’t. Often combined with the advance directive into one document. Pick someone who knows your wishes and is willing to advocate — a spouse or adult child is typical, but anyone you trust qualifies.

POLST (if appropriate). Physician Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment. Different from the advance directive: this is an actual medical order signed by a doctor, valid across care settings. Appropriate for people with a serious illness or expected life span under 12 months. Initiated by the treating physician.

Where to keep it: signed original in your death folder, copies to your healthcare proxy, primary care doctor, and the hospital system where you receive care. A copy in the glove box of your car isn’t crazy. The document only helps if someone can find it.

A will.If you have any meaningful assets, real estate, or minor children, you need one. Roughly 60% of US adults die without a will; state intestate-succession law then decides who inherits, regardless of what you would have wanted. Templates from Quicken WillMaker or LegalZoom work for simple cases (under $200). For blended families, real estate in multiple states, or trusts, hire a local estate attorney for a one-hour consult ($150–$400).

Beneficiary designations — the thing most people miss. Life insurance, 401(k), IRA, pension, payable-on-death bank accounts, and transfer-on-death brokerage accounts pass to the named beneficiary regardless of what your will says. The will that leaves “everything to my spouse” is overridden by the IRA beneficiary form that still names your ex from 1998.

Audit every account: log in, find the beneficiary designation, update if needed. Add a contingent beneficiary too (who inherits if the primary predeceases you). More on why this matters.

Durable power of attorney (financial POA). The legal document that lets someone you trust handle your finances if you become incapacitated. Different from a healthcare POA. Common state-specific forms exist; an attorney can draft one in an hour. Without it, the only path is a court-appointed guardianship — slow, expensive, and adversarial.

A “death folder” (or “in case of emergency” binder) is a single place your family can find everything they’ll need in the first weeks. Physical folder or password-protected digital file — both work. The point is one location, not 15 emails.

What goes in it:

• Identity documents: birth certificate, Social Security card, driver’s license copy, passport, marriage certificate, divorce decree if applicable, citizenship/naturalization papers, military discharge papers (DD-214) for veterans.
• Legal documents: will, advance directive, healthcare proxy, durable power of attorney, any trusts. Original signed copies.
• Financial accounts: a written list of every bank, brokerage, retirement, credit card, and pension account — institution name, account number (last 4 is enough), and the beneficiary on file. Update annually.
• Insurance policies: life insurance, long-term care, disability, homeowners. Policy numbers and carrier contact info. This is where families most commonly miss money — small group life insurance through work, a credit card’s included $5K policy, etc.
• Real estate and titles: deed to the home, vehicle titles, any property in other states.
• Digital access: the master password to your password manager (sealed in an envelope, or stored with the manager’s emergency-access feature). DO list email accounts and cloud-storage accounts. Full digital-legacy walkthrough.
• Subscriptions list: rough list of recurring charges so your family can cancel them. Reduces the surprise of finding 8 forgotten services after the credit card is closed.
• Funeral preferences: one page, written. See Pillar 4 below.

Where to keep it: NOT a safe-deposit box (banks often freeze access at death, and the family can’t get in until probate opens). A fireproof home safe is ideal. Tell two people where it is and what the combination is.

Separate from the formal legal documents, write one page of plain-language instructions for whoever finds this when you’re gone. The legal stuff covers what happens to the money. This covers everything else.

What to include:

• Who to call first (spouse, then an adult child or close friend, then an attorney if one is named).
• Where the death folder is.
• Funeral preferences in a sentence or two (“direct cremation, no service, scatter at Crater Lake if practical”).
• Anything you want said at a service, or a song you want played.
• Pets — who takes them.
• Any items with sentimental but not monetary value that should go to specific people (works around awkward will-versus-letter conflicts; the formal will controls anything contested).
• One short paragraph for the family — whatever you’d want them to hear. Many people find this the hardest and most meaningful part to write. The reading happens at the worst possible moment; writing it for them is a gift.

Most adults don’t leave funeral preferences in writing, and the family then makes those decisions in the worst week of their lives, under sales pressure. Half an hour now solves that.

What to write down:

• Disposition: burial, cremation, green burial, body donation, aquamation. Most-searched questions are settled by this single decision.
• Service or no service: some people want a funeral; some want a memorial weeks later with cremated remains; some want neither. There’s no wrong answer; the family just needs to know.
• Religious tradition or none: who officiates and what tradition the service follows.
• Where: graveyard, scattering location, hometown vs. current city. Particularly important if you’ve moved far from where the rest of the family lives.
• Music and readings: if any specific songs or readings matter, name them.
• Budget guidance: one of the most useful sentences you can write: “Spend the least amount that lets the family feel good about saying goodbye. I don’t want a $12,000 funeral.” Or whatever the truth is. Families overpay because they’re afraid of seeming cheap; written permission to be frugal is liberating.

We have a structured worksheet for this: fill out preferences here and we’ll generate a one-page printable for the death folder.

Veterans. Honorable-discharge veterans qualify for free burial in a national cemetery, a free headstone or marker, a burial flag, and military honors. Pre-registering with the VA simplifies the family’s work at death. Full guide to veterans burial benefits.

Body donors. Whole-body donation to a medical school is free, supports research, and skips the funeral home. Most programs strongly prefer donors to pre-register while alive (medical history, signed consent). Acceptance isn’t guaranteed; pre-registering with two programs and having a backup direct-cremation arrangement is the standard approach. Full guide.

Specific faith traditions. Jewish, Muslim, and several other traditions have specific requirements (timing, washing, no embalming, burial within 24 hours). If your tradition has rules your family doesn’t know, write them in the death folder along with the contact for the appropriate burial society (chevra kadisha for Jewish, mosque burial coordinator for Muslim, etc.).

Documents are nothing without the family knowing they exist. Schedule one conversation — over coffee, on a walk, holiday dinner is bad — and cover three things:

1. Where the death folder is. Physical location, combination if it’s in a safe, who else knows.
2. Who’s in charge of what. Executor, healthcare proxy, financial POA. People named for those roles should know they were named and what it means.
3. Funeral preferences in one sentence. Just a vibe-level statement: “keep it small, cremation, no big service.” The written page has the details; the conversation just makes sure no one is surprised.

If you’re helping an aging parent through this conversation, the most useful frame is “help me know what you want so I can do it right.” Most older adults welcome the conversation; they were waiting for someone to bring it up.